I LOVE the scriptures!!!! Last night, literally so about 8 hours ago, I was having well. . . a moment. You know those moments where you just kinda freak out and get overwhelmed? Well, that happens regularly on missions. But, last night I came out of my melt down so enlightened.
For privacy reasons, I will not be too explicit or even use names but we, my companion and I had the blessing of teaching lesson 2 which is the plan of salvation to one of our miracle investigators. She is a miracle for numerous reasons and we are just grateful to be her guides helping her.
My companion and I were pretty nervous about this lesson. The first lesson is typically really easy and flows pretty consistently. But for some reason lesson 2 is sometimes awkward. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE it. I really do, and I have gained an even stronger testimony of my purpose here on this earth but what I know is what I know. And, I know it because I have prayed and I have asked. I have searched and thus my testimony has been strengthened. If I am teaching someone new who has not done that I have to somehow help them understand that by doing so: searching, pondering, praying etc is the only way that they too will know.
In the case of this new investigator, as well as 99.9% of all of our other brilliant Stanford student investigators, they ahve no trouble with the doctrine. Crazy, right? They get it. It totally makes sense to them logically. Well that's great and all but not when you're a missionary. Not when you want them to FEEL something---not ony know it but FEEL it. That's where the testimony comes in.
Last night/this morning, I was caught up in the lesson that we taught. I came out partially sad because I didn't do my part enough. Our investigators need to be taught by the spirit so they can learn by the spirit. They need to FEEL the truthfulness of the doctrine because acutally who is the teacher? Not me. It is the spirit. That is the converting power. So, I prayed hard to know how I can have the spirit more with me, to help me find, teach, and baptize. I got my answer in three different ways.
So, I opened to Alma 29: But here is the disclosure. I received some pretty intense inspiriation last night and this morning. I won't share all of it but will share that of what I hope will be of help to others who hope to have the spirit more with them in whatever capacity for whatever reason. Again in my case, it is to help people FEEL the truthfulness of this gospel.
Back to Alma 29 (feel free to look these up).
Vs. 1: "The wish of mine heart that I might go forth and speak with the trump of God with a voice to shake the earth, and cry repentance unto every people!"
(that is indeed my greatest desire.)
"2 Yea, I would declare unto every soul, as with the voice of thunder, repentance and the plan of redemption, that they should repent and come unto our God, that there might not be more sorrow upon all the face of the earth."
That is my purpose
" 3 But behold, I am a man, and do sin in my wish; for I ought to be content with the things which the Lord hath allotted unto me. "
"4 I ought not to harrow up in my desires the firm decree of a just God, for I know that he granteth unto men according to their desire, whether it be unto death or unto life; yea, I know that he allotteth unto men, yea, decreeth unto them decrees which are unalterable, according to their wills, whether they be unto salvation or unto destruction."
I was caught up in my own wants.
I was forgetting the blessing that it was in the first place to be in that home teaching that miracle investigator who will not because of me be baptized but because of what/how she felt through the Holy Ghost.
The Lord knows my desires but I need to remember that everyone has a time table.
I have seen much success on this mission, not by what I have done but what I have been blessed to be a part of.
" 13 Yea, and that same God did establish his church among them; yea, and that same God hath called me by a holy calling, to preach the word unto this people, and hath given me much success, in the which my joy is full.
14 But I do not joy in my own success alone, but my joy is more full because of the success of my brethren, who have been up to the land of Nephi.
15 Behold, they have labored exceedingly, and have brought forth much fruit; and how great shall be their reward!"
I love being a missionary.
I love my Heavenly Father and my Savior Jesus Christ.
I love being able to talk to them and I love even more when they talk to me through the scriptures.
The church is true!!
Love, Sister Carter